Graham hassles me to post in our blog, but I just really never have much to say. That and what I want to say, I can't really say. Haha. I want to post about work and its happenings terribly bad, but I am afraid of my boss finding my blog, reading it, and getting angry or something. So many funny things (funny to me) happen at work, but I can't share them. Haha. If I speak to you in person on a frequent basis, I have probably told you several stories. I can do that because it isn't traceable, like this blog is. Anyhow...
I don't really have much going on on my side of the world. Graham pretty much covers the events of our lives. He can't really talk about what I have been thinking or feeling, you know since really I am the only one in my own brain, and lately I have been feeling terribly lonely. I know you are thinking, "You are married, how can you feel lonely?"
The loneliness I feel does not involve that part of my life. I honestly don't know how I would be able to fight the loneliness I feel without Graham beside me encouraging me. That and being married isn't all I am or my life - it is a part of my life. I am lonely in a sense that I miss having a church family, I miss having friends around the corner, I miss ministering to people, I miss serving, and I miss being invited to places and involved with people. It's so hard for others to understand and remember that just because Graham and I are married doesn't mean we don't want to see people and be a part of get togethers, events, and so forth. If we just hung out with each other and never saw other people, what purpose would we be serving? What would we be doing with our lives? In addition to that, I'm also allowed to go out without him and he without me. You know, I was told people would stop calling just because I was married, but I didn't believe it would happen to me, and actually, if it did, I didn't think it would hurt this bad. It's been a long time since I have felt this type of sadness. In fact, this blog is probably going to take several tries for me to write, just so I don't sit and bawl at the computer as I type.
And instead of just talking about my lonliness, I've been trying to figure out how to resolve and defeat it, but I don't know what to do. I hate inviting myself to things. I feel like its rude and if anybody really wanted me around they would ask me to be around. So, dead end there.
We have been visiting a church. That's a start to finding ways to minister to people, serve, and be a part of a body of believers. The hard part with this is keeping my patience and waiting to build friendships and being willing to put myself out there. It was always so easy at DBC, but then again most people were college students. I think as a College Student it is so easy to meet new people and get plugged in because everyone else is in the same boat as you. When it comes to being in a new church and meeting new people , I tend to just hide behind Graham when and I need get out of that habit.
One thing I do think I have going for me is that I own a dog. I know this sounds silly, but having a dog in an apartment complex instantly makes you friends/acquaintances with everyone else in the complex who has a dog. I miss living in community and this helps with that a lot.
You know, this is rather long and I know people don't usually read the long posts, so I am going to go ahead and end it here. Maybe I will type more later, but maybe not.
Oh and don't feel sorry for me. Pray for me instead and if you happen to be a friend of mine, invite me places so that I know my friends are my friends and that they want me around. Remember that just because I am married, doesn't make me a different person.