Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Being lonely can even happen when you are married

Graham hassles me to post in our blog, but I just really never have much to say. That and what I want to say, I can't really say. Haha. I want to post about work and its happenings terribly bad, but I am afraid of my boss finding my blog, reading it, and getting angry or something. So many funny things (funny to me) happen at work, but I can't share them. Haha. If I speak to you in person on a frequent basis, I have probably told you several stories. I can do that because it isn't traceable, like this blog is. Anyhow...

I don't really have much going on on my side of the world. Graham pretty much covers the events of our lives. He can't really talk about what I have been thinking or feeling, you know since really I am the only one in my own brain, and lately I have been feeling terribly lonely. I know you are thinking, "You are married, how can you feel lonely?"

The loneliness I feel does not involve that part of my life. I honestly don't know how I would be able to fight the loneliness I feel without Graham beside me encouraging me. That and being married isn't all I am or my life - it is a part of my life. I am lonely in a sense that I miss having a church family, I miss having friends around the corner, I miss ministering to people, I miss serving, and I miss being invited to places and involved with people. It's so hard for others to understand and remember that just because Graham and I are married doesn't mean we don't want to see people and be a part of get togethers, events, and so forth. If we just hung out with each other and never saw other people, what purpose would we be serving? What would we be doing with our lives? In addition to that, I'm also allowed to go out without him and he without me. You know, I was told people would stop calling just because I was married, but I didn't believe it would happen to me, and actually, if it did, I didn't think it would hurt this bad. It's been a long time since I have felt this type of sadness. In fact, this blog is probably going to take several tries for me to write, just so I don't sit and bawl at the computer as I type.

And instead of just talking about my lonliness, I've been trying to figure out how to resolve and defeat it, but I don't know what to do. I hate inviting myself to things. I feel like its rude and if anybody really wanted me around they would ask me to be around. So, dead end there.

We have been visiting a church. That's a start to finding ways to minister to people, serve, and be a part of a body of believers. The hard part with this is keeping my patience and waiting to build friendships and being willing to put myself out there. It was always so easy at DBC, but then again most people were college students. I think as a College Student it is so easy to meet new people and get plugged in because everyone else is in the same boat as you. When it comes to being in a new church and meeting new people , I tend to just hide behind Graham when and I need get out of that habit.

One thing I do think I have going for me is that I own a dog. I know this sounds silly, but having a dog in an apartment complex instantly makes you friends/acquaintances with everyone else in the complex who has a dog. I miss living in community and this helps with that a lot.

You know, this is rather long and I know people don't usually read the long posts, so I am going to go ahead and end it here. Maybe I will type more later, but maybe not.

Oh and don't feel sorry for me. Pray for me instead and if you happen to be a friend of mine, invite me places so that I know my friends are my friends and that they want me around. Remember that just because I am married, doesn't make me a different person.


Justin Pocta said...

Heyyy, a Natalie post! And a deep one. Goodie. :) I feel you on several of these things.

I think a lot of it is about initiative, which is difficult for sure, but pays off. Have people over and cook or something. Put events together. There are always plenty of things going on in Dallas, you just gotta look and then put a group together. And don't let that "hating to invite yourself" thinking hold you back! I'm do the same, but sometimes you just need to show interest, be just as inviting to them as you hope they'd be with you, and maybe just ask questions about what's going on and discuss the idea of eating out or something? I dunno. Just some thoughts on how I might deal with it.

Does your church have community groups or are you guys still deciding about joining?

Anonymous said...

Natalie! I found your blog today, via Sally's blog which led me to Dana's blog, and then to yours... I guess that makes me a stalker? Your post is so real and transparent - and true... I know what you mean about losing touch and feeling lonely. Keller has never been the same for us as Denton was - and while our relationship has deepened with each other since being married, its as though others become more surface level or at least more infrequent. I would love to see you soon - let's plan something (just girls this time!) to maybe meet halfway again for lunch? Holland

The House of Hurt said...

Hey, Natalie, thanks for sharing here on your blog. I know what you mean, though I know we're not EXACTLY in this same position since we're still here in Denton. I'll be praying for you, friend. We should hang out sometime! Bryan and I would love to come hang out with you and Graham!

Martha Elaine Belden said...

hey sweet friend... sorry i'm just getting around to reading this. considering the fact that i used to be the consummate blogger... i suck lately.

but i wanted to say a few things. i'm not "feeling sorry for you" but i do wish that we were all better about inviting our married friends, particularly you and graham, out and about.

i say particularly you guys because i'm always surprised and delighted that you two almost always come when i invite you somewhere. i'm surprised because my married friends from college never came to anything! i invited them to everything, but they never showed up. so i eventually stopped. it got too disheartening to build up the hope that they might come.

so if i've ever neglected to include you guys, i do apologize. i don't mean to automatically lump all married friends into the "they won't show up anyway" category... but i may have been doing so subconsciously.

but bravo to you guys for wanting to spend time with your friends. from my experience, watching my friends who've been married for closing in on 5 years now... i can tell you your marriage will be stronger because you haven't holed yourself up and alienated everyone else. many of my friends who did so, are now desperate to spend time with old friends again... and it's hard sometimes to remember them after spending so long expecting them not to be around.

k... sorry for my super long comment. i always talk (and write) too much!!